For the last few weeks I have been really struggling with that statement. If you had asked me back in February how I felt about turning 40, I would have said, “Pretty good. I am healthier now than I have been for probably 15-20 years, and I am feeling good.”
Then, I got glutened….twice. This fact alone threw my body into a hissy fit of inflammation you wouldn’t believe, 15 pounds to be exact. Then, I started having panic attacks again hard and daily.
Well, you can just imagine what that does to a persons opinion of their body and themselves. It’s been tough and the looming “big” birthday really just made things worse.
Thankfully, I think I have the panic attacks under control, with help help of altering some of my supplements, but the inflammation just won’t quit.
Then, Sunday came.
Ahhh…worship. Nothing speaks to and sooths my soul quite like worship. With tears streaming down my face, I sang, “In Christ Alone.” I can’t tell you how this song has ministered to me over these tough years of health troubles.
As I sang I reflected on some great truths in my life. First of all, how silly it is to be upset about turning 40, when we all hope for long lives! Why do we do that to ourselves? We freak out and think we are dying, and then we freak out because we are getting “old.” Second, growing old is something that is denied to too many precious souls for me to lament about it. The passing of a dear friend recently taught me that. It also taught me my third point, live LIFE to it’s fullest, be present, and take pictures of the kiddos AND me. And finally, I wouldn’t trade the me I am today for the me I was 20 years ago. The Lord has taught me too many precious truths! He is shaping me and changing me into a person I like ;) He is teaching me to love, not my way but His. He has shown me how to trust Him in ways I never imagined possible. He has taught me how to be the Proverbs 31 woman who laughs at the future.
I am so grateful for the 40 years the Lord has given me, and I am looking forward with a smile to the future.