This week, my mom, my stubborn nefew’s mother, a host of family, and myself have been caring for my grandmother during her final days.
I’ve never cared for someone so close to the end of their earthly journey before. I’ve decided it’s a bit like climbing a mountain. My first summit was when mom asked if I could come help. When I stared up at that summit from the ground I thought, that’s not so bad, sure I can do it. That first summit wasn’t so bad. Then I was asked to stay the night…hmm a little more challenging, more logistics, childcare, etc. The Lord worked out the details and I stayed.
The next summit was noise. Noise in her chest, in her throat…unsettling… but after the first few hundred steps, that summit was nothing. But wait, turn the corner and there’s another peak…we have a small crisis. We have to change bed sheets and fast. We have to make decisions and fast. Is it just me, or is the oxygen getting a little thin? Sleep is a distant dream, and yet love, grace and patience flow from us. Thank you Father for Your Holy Spirit, living in us, and loving Gram through us! I KNOW this is not me!
And then, the gently sloping hillsides between summits….the smiles from Gram, whispered words…mouthed words…a hug!!!! What a blessing to be able to serve her and give back a tiny portion of what she has given to us.
Then comes the snap…I can’t do this any more. I can’t watch her suffer, I can’t just sit here and watch this like a spectator. And then, sleep comes and renews my spirit. And I start the climb again…. With each new obstacle, the air gets a little thinner, and it takes time for my heart to adjust to the new level of pain.
So there we were taking one more step, hoping and yet fearful, that around the next turn Gram would see the glorious splendor of the mountain top.
She did, Thursday night at 11:11. I am so thankful that her struggle wasn’t weeks or months long.
Now, we are journeying back down the mountain, with one less hiker. And with each new level of normalcy it’s a little harder. But I know that as we descend and the air grows thicker, we will adjust and in time that mountain will be a beautiful memorial in our minds.
It is a journey we all take at one time or another and it prepares us for the next step the Lord has us to take. He never said he would protect us from those paths just that he would take us “through” them and be at our side. It makes us stronger and one more step toward the mature Christian life.
It doesn’t make it any less hard but we live on and pass on the values to our children we were taught by those who taught us.
She will be fondly remembered.
Love you,
Sandy
Beautifully expressed. So sorry for your loss, but so much better for her. The first two words that popped into my mind when I was thinking of her were “feisty” and “funny”. I know you all will miss her very much. I am praying for your family as you lay her to rest. May God comfort your hearts.
Let me know if we can bring food or help your family.
I too am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. As I started reading It reminded me of my mom and her last days. God is so good, and I love the way he gives us the strength and understanding when we need it. Without Him it would be impossibe. Prayers and love are being sent your way.
Love you,
Ceil
Wonderful words, full of kindness and clarity. Such a life she had, what a gift to know her just a little…
Viki
I love the pictures you shared, as well as your words. It may seem like you will never forget this past week….but the sharpness of the memories will fade in a short time. Treasure the pictures as reminders of your journey…and reminders of the privilege you had to see her out with her dignity and spirit intact!
Dear Cathy: May you find comfort on the Lord and all the precious memories of her. Love ya! Martha
Thank you all for your kind words and support!