Back in 2009, I wrote a post with the same title, While I’m Waiting. Do me a favor, and click real quick and read it, and maybe the one referenced in it, entitled Eagle’s Wings. I’m just sayin’ it might be helpful for you to see where I’m coming from.
When I wrote the first “While I’m Waiting,” I was about one year into my 2-year journey to overcome my health challenges. Wow.
Now, I find myself waiting again, just in a different way. I have tried to write about what’s going on in my heart and soul regarding our new financial situation. Today I finally feel like I can.
Let me summarize. We do not have health insurance. The property on which Sugar Belle’s accident happened, did not have insurance. So, we are now carrying about $115,000 in medical bills, plus the surgery she will need to have to remove the pins later this year.
Without going into all the details, Mr. OverKill and I have been convicted that we need to rely on the Lord to meet our need. We have no issue with those who choose to take advantage of our country’s generous assistance programs. We have had State help on some of our pregnancies/deliveries. However, we both feel like in this instance we are supposed to rely solely on Him for this need. He is our Father, and He owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalm 50:10). We are assured by Paul in Philippians 4:19, that
….my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
We are literally taking God at His Word, and some people aren’t comfortable with that.
25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. -Matthew 10:25-34
Our church has been so incredibly generous to us, and we know that the Lord has been providing for our family through our church family. Our church is supporting us in our decision to rely on God for these medical bills. Granted some people have looked at us like we have three heads, but that’s okay. First off, our church has started a fund to collect donations from the congregation and the community for Sugar Belle’s medical bills. They are also going to help us to negotiate our way through the bills.
Second, someone in our church family felt lead to help us out with Christmas gifts for the kids. I have to tell you a little story here about how cool God is. So, Mrs. Doodle Bop approached us, and let us know that someone wanted to help us with Christmas gifts, and I thought, “How cool is that?!?! I wondered how we were going to manage Christmas.” So, she asked us to have the kiddos make a list of things they might like to receive, so our generous benefactor would have an idea of what to buy. A few days later, I was praying and thanking the Lord for providing Christmas for the kids, and literally, I said to the Lord, “I will miss shopping for and wrapping the kids’ gifts, but I am okay with that. I’m just so thankful they will have Christmas.” About two hours later, I ran into Mrs. Doodle Bop and she said, “Oh by the way, we found out today that you are going to get a gift card so you can get the kids exactly what they want.” How cool is that?!?!?! Meanwhile, when we received our “gift” it was way more money than we ever spent on Christmas. Mr. OK and I made sure to point out to the children that this Christmas all the gifts were literally from God. And when God does Christmas, He does it big! We had arguably the best Christmas ever!
Okay, I know this post is getting long, but it’s been a long time coming :)
In the middle of all of this, we had been trying to sell Mr. OverKill’s motorcycle…for like 2 years. On my birthday Mr. OK told me that I could have the bike, and do whatever I wanted with it. Well, at some point, before Shug’s accident, I decided that since we hadn’t been able to sell it, I wanted to attempt to trade it for a bigger camper. Wouldn’t you know that the day after her surgery, we had like 2 offers to trade the bike for a camper. Hmmm…I thought, “Day late, dollar short.” At that point I really felt like we needed to sell the bike for cash and put the money towards her bills. But, it just wasn’t happening. So, 2 days before Christmas, I got my birthday present. Yes, we traded for a camper. I really struggled with that decision, for many reasons. One of which was the whole “What will people say?” dealio. I don’t want anyone to think we are out spending money on toys while we have these huge bills. The reality is, we traded up, and the new camper is for sale, as is the old camper. Around here, there are only a few things that aren’t for sale!
Wanna see my gift????
What’s cool about this camper, is that it has everything I wanted in a camper(well, except an awning)! There are a few things Mr. OK needs to fix, but the frame is great, the floor is great, everything works great, and it has 4 bunk beds!!! The paint job even matches my van ;)
Moving on…
Deep inside, I have been struggling. I have not been able to write about all of this because I just wasn’t sure what to say. I’ve had a few bouts of depression over the last few weeks, especially after the holidays, and it took me quite some time to figure out why.
I have come to the conclusion that my problem was that I wanted a plan, a list, a course of action. The thing is, the Lord keeps asking us to wait. And I don’t like it. I don’t like not knowing. Ask Mr. OverKill. I like to plan, I like to make lists…I like to know. A major part of this not knowing, is not knowing how to behave…. I didn’t (and somewhat still don’t) know what it is ok to spend money on. Is it ok to eat out on date night, or not? Is it ok to pay $6.00 to take the kids to the Hammock, or not? What about my 5K, is that worth the $20.00? I was beginning to feel like I couldn’t step outside the house unless it was a free event that was within walking distance. We have never had this much debt before in our lives…. But, as I prayed this morning, I found myself asking again, “So what shall we do Lord? A benefit lunch? Ooohhh, maybe a golf benefit…a 5k?” To which He responded, “Wait.”
So, we are waiting, and it is not easy. While I’m waiting, I may not know exactly what I should or shouldn’t do, but I do know I need to continue to be thankful, to worship, and to trust my God and King.