Ok, I think you all took the phrase “Frazzled Mama Inquiry” a little too seriously. Man, you all are some heavy hitters, like this one…
I mean really, how am I to be expected to answer this question in one post????
I kid, thanks Dave for the laugh.
So, I am going to have to break this down into a few posts. I decided that I would start right at the top with comment number one.
Okay, first of all, who says my house is fun????
I’m kidding!!!
Well, let’s see…
I guess I am going to go about answering this a little bit backwards, I’m going to start with the rules part.
Rules and obeying the rules are what makes a home happy and fun. Mr. OverKill and I feel very strongly that we need to require our children to obey, even as young children. Moms and Dads, you know it, you’ve seen the moment when your sweet, precious, little one looks at you defiantly, and willfully disobeys. For some of us it was before they were even 1 year old! We believe that there should be swift and consistent consequences when our children disobey, and they are aware of what they are doing. If you have never told your child not to run out into the street and they do, is that disobedience? No! It’s childishness, or foolishness. However, if you have clearly explained to your child that they must not go out into the road, and you are confident that they understand you, if they choose to go out in the road they are now disobeying.
So, in our house, the same thing goes for the rules. Rules should be obeyed just like Mom and Dad, because guess what??? Mom and Dad made the rules and are going to make sure that they are followed. Now, please don’t think that I say to my 5 year old, “Don’t leave your wet swimsuit on the floor, please hang it up outside on the line.” and expect that he is going to remember that rule (which is new to him) the next time he goes swimming. I always allow a “grace period,” for lack of better word, to help them remember to follow the new rule. Usually, it’s a week max. So, going back to the wet swimsuit example, the next time the 5 year old comes in from swimming I might say “Hey there, what needs to happen with that wet swimsuit?” Asking them to tell you the rule instead of you reminding them is a great teacher. Then, after a week or so, I won’t give a reminder, I will simply check to see where the swimsuit ended up. If I find it on the floor, I will call him in and ask if that is where the suit is supposed to be. I will have him put it in the right place, and I will also inform him that the next time I find it on the floor, there will be consequences. (Side note, I rarely find Little Man’s wet suit on the floor :)
Now, notice my part in the equation? If I am going to make a rule, I have to make sure that I am willing to train the children in the new rule and then enforce the new rule…consistently. Just like grown-ups, kids forget, or get busy, or lazy and need a reminder. I might give a day or two grace period again if we are having trouble in a specific area, but after that, consequences are a must. Also remember that with your little ones you are in the training process. You are training them to respond to you, based on your reaction. If you create a rule and then don’t enforce it, they are being trained to ignore you. For some of you, training will only take a few days, for others with more “strong-willed” children, it may take longer. Can I encourage you to hang in there? Who would have ever thought that my sweet Sugar Belle was my most “strong-willed” child. That child wanted to be top dog from day one! What a blessing it has been to us to see the Lord mold her into a sweet, loving, caring, submissive, child!
I think the biggest issue in making a home fun, while making sure that the rules are followed is to make sure that you aren’t take disobedience from your young child personally. I promise, you will save yourself many grey hairs and maybe even a few breakdowns by not taking their disobedience personally. It isn’t personal, it is the sin nature that is born ingrained in your child. If your child disobeys and you need to apply consequences, do so calmly and quickly. When the consequence is finished, it’s finished. Don’t hang your child’s mistake, defiance, or disobedience over their head. Once it’s over, it’s over…move on. Not taking things personally will go along way! Hug them, tell them you love them, smile at them, and then move on!
Trust me, I am not perfect in this area. Sometimes, I get to the point where I think that the kids are just trying to make me crazy. The other day, Bubba even said “Mom, we’re just doing it to annoy you.” Fortunately, he was joking! I know there is going to come a point when my kiddos are going to do things just to push my buttons. Thankfully, we aren’t there quite yet. Even if you can’t physically get away, try to make time to give yourself some space from your kids. When my kiddos were little, getting away was nearly impossible. But, I did eventually learn to have a few minutes to do something that I enjoyed in the evenings after they went to bed. This will go a long way to help your attitude be more positive (aka fun).
In our house, part of obeying is doing so with “a happy heart”,” or a good attitude. When reminding a child about a rule, if I sense an attitude coming on, I ask them “Where is your happy heart????” It’s amazing what simply asking your child to smile will do!!! Many times it will diffuse attitudes about obeying and create a “less-tense” situation.
So, back to the fun part. In our house, following the rules makes it possible to have fun. See, I am out numbered – 4 kids, and a hubby who works really long, hard, hours…yeah, the rules need to be followed. When I am not running around like a crazy person picking up wet swimsuits, it is much more likely that I will be in a “Let’s have fun!” mood. My mood is going to affect everyone in my household.
Did that help??? Any???